RELATIONSHIPS
Love, Lies, and Toothpaste
By Julie Ferwerda
CBN.com –
"Did you use my toothpaste?" Steve, the guy I
was dating hastily emerged from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging
out of the side of his mouth, as if on an urgent mission. The
accusing question hung between us as if he had just discovered
I borrowed his underwear or something.
Staying in the home of some of his friends for the weekend who
lived near a ski resort, we had all just finished eating a great
breakfast of pancakes together before making our way to the slopes.
In all actuality, I had just used his toothpaste because
I thought it was no big deal and that way I wouldn’t have
to go fish mine out of my suitcase. Hey at least I brushed my
teeth! Things could have been worse. But now I was beginning to
wonder if he had a thing about his toothpaste—as if some
invisible line of intrusion into his personal space had been crossed.
All eyes in the room looked at me expectantly. A dozen irrational
fears crowded into one second.
Whoa. He sure looks mad. Maybe he is going to take me out
and plunge my head into a snow bank if I tell him the truth. His
friends are giving me a funny look too. Maybe using people’s
toothpaste is a more serious offense than I thought and they are
all going to talk for years to come about “that girl who
used Steve’s toothpaste.” Maybe this will be a relationship
killer! I’ve never had anyone break up with me over
using their toothpaste before!
“Nnno, why would I use your toothpaste?” I masked
my fear with a feeble smile. Luckily he let the conversation drop
and went back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.
Me? I covered up the little prick in my conscience with a rationalization:
It’s just a little lie—what difference will it
make tomorrow if I lie about using toothpaste? No one will ever
know…
Later, when I had time to process the peculiar event, God began
to speak with me about honesty in the “little things.”
Reminding me of other situations in my recent past, I noticed
a pattern emerging in myself that I didn’t like. When it
came to people confronting me about my actions in ways I thought
might bring about unpleasant consequences, I avoided taking responsibility.
I had become afraid to tell the truth at times—afraid
of being punished or rejected by people.
Even when it came to something as seemingly insignificant as
toothpaste, God wanted an honest heart. Little lies easily turn
into bigger lies—which eventually catch up with a person,
killing trust in relationships and halting spiritual growth. God
used my dishonesty in this silly situation to remind me that He
was working to prepare me to be the right kind of wife for the
godly kind of husband He wanted to give me someday. Before I could
expect God to give me His best choice of a mate, I had to be God’s
best choice of a mate for someone else. That meant no lying, no
hiding the truth, no trying to get myself out of responsibility
for my actions. This kind of behavior left unchecked would jeopardize
an intimate marriage relationship.
So where did I leave off in the toothpaste story? Oh yeah…No
one would ever know. I’d never felt guilty before about
using toothpaste, but as the days and weeks wore on, so did my
nagging conscience. I thought it was insane to be still rehashing
my guilt over lying about using Steve’s toothpaste, but
the Holy Spirit wouldn’t give it a rest. It was driving
me crazy that I hadn’t told him the truth. I needed a clear
conscience. I just had to squeeze out the contents of the tube,
so to speak. In great humiliation and embarrassment I finally
blurted it out one day on the phone while I had my hands immersed
in hot soapy dishwater, hoping he wouldn’t even remember
what I was talking about.
“Steve, I did use your toothpaste and
I lied about it. I’m sorry.”
“Aha! I knew it!” he declared smugly, maybe
even a bit gleefully. Most people would have been completely
blank if you brought up something as insignificant as using their
toothpaste a month ago and would have said, “Huh? Get outta
here! I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
But not Steve! He knew the instant it left my mouth exactly what
I was referring to.
But now I was free. My clean conscience could finally be at rest
like the dishes in the drain rack.
These days, I don’t have to ask to use my husband, Steve’s,
toothpaste. He lets me use it anytime I want. He was the one God
wanted me to marry—His very best choice of a mate for me.
God used Steve that day to teach me a valuable lesson—to
prepare me to be a completely honest wife. Luckily, I’ve
never had to admit to wearing his underwear yet—he hasn’t
asked!
Julie is the author of The Perfect Fit...Piecing Together True Love and has written articles
for other publications such as Marriage Partnership, Brio & Beyond, HomeLife, Discipleship
Journal, and Revolve III Biblezine Project for teen
girls (Thomas Nelson, July 2006). To order the book or to find
out more go to: www.JulieFerwerda.com.
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